📚 The Truth Behind My Love of Romance Novels
What bodice-rippers taught me about love, life, and never apologizing + book recs.
Hello, fabulous!
Last week I shared my top seven paranormal romance series with you - the ones I’d want on a desert island, the ones I come back to again and again. Someone asked why I’m so obsessed with romance novels in general, so I wrote this essay about how a girl in a bedroom so small the door wouldn’t open became a woman who still reads romance novels like her life depends on it. Because in a lot of ways, it does. Enjoy!
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How it started…
My love affair with reading started in third grade, but it wasn’t until middle school that I graduated to romance novels (the more tame, age appropriate variety, thank you very much!).
My mom had a friend who’d show up every few months with big black garbage bags full of books - Harlequin romances, Sweet Valley High, whatever he’d cleared from his shelves or found at garage sales. With her permission, he’d haul them into our tiny house and leave them for me, a mysterious book fairy with a questionable delivery system. It was like Christmas every time he came around!
Here’s the thing: my mom didn’t know how to read or speak English at the time, so there was zero vetting process. In her mind, books = education = any and all books were allowed. I had complete freedom to read whatever was delivered. Looking back, this could have gone sideways fast, but someone up there was looking out for me.
And then my mom did something that still amazes me: she paid for a $20 subscription that delivered four Zebra romance novels to our house every month. Some of my favorite authors that came to my door were Elizabeth Lowell, Catherine Hart, and Virginia Brown.
For a single mom stretching every dollar, that $20 meant something. But she never questioned it, never made me feel guilty about it. Books were education, and education was worth the investment.
So I’d happily take those huge bags of books and my monthly deliveries, and lug them into my bedroom, which - I cannot stress this enough - was TINY. It used to be the entryway before my mom closed it off to convert our 2 bed/1 bath into a 3 bed/1 bath home to accommodate four kids.
Worst of all, I had to share it with my bratty little sister, who was nine years younger than me and looooooved to lock me out (not cool, sis). The door also didn’t even open all the way. No wider than 45 degrees, it hit my bed with just enough room for me to slide through.
But it had a small wall of built-in shelves, which I packed with those precious books like I was hoarding treasure. Any time I could, I’d throw myself on the bed, wrestle the door closed when my sister allowed it, and disappear into a delicious story.
Those shelves opened up worlds I couldn’t access any other way.
During those glorious moments, romance novels took me to glamorous ballrooms and not-so-glamorous pirate ships. To small towns where everyone knew your name and also your business. I met brave cowboys and cocky CEOs and dark, mysterious men who said exactly the right thing at exactly the right time.
I learned that love could be complicated and messy and still work out. That women could be strong and also vulnerable. That happy endings were totally possible, even when your current circumstances said you were definitely, absolutely, very much SOL.
My physical world was small - less than 1,000 square feet split between six people and one bathroom. But my reading world was unlimited. I could be anywhere, be anyone, and live in a place where someone noticed you, chose you, fought for you.
I devoooooured those books. And for a girl sharing a cramped bedroom with her baby sister, that felt like freedom.
How it’s going…
Fast forward a few decades, and guess what? I’m STILL head-over-heels in love with romance novels! My devotion to them has never wavered, never dimmed, never died.
Not through countless military moves, the craziness of raising a tiny human, or any of those moments when I desperately needed an escape hatch from...well, EVERYTHING. These books have been right there with me through every hard transition and every moment in between!
Look, if someone forced me to choose between a steamy romance novel or the latest Oprah book club bestseller? The steamy romance would win. Hands down. Every. Single. Time.
Because even though romance novels constantly get dragged for not being “serious literature” (eye roll 🙄), when real life felt like a complete dumpster fire, these books handed me a guaranteed happy ending, usually delivered by some deliciously morally gray immortal who wouldn’t think twice about burning the entire world down for his fated mate. I mean, COME ON!
The idea that two people could decide to be together against absolutely impossible odds, fight for it, make it work, and have love actually PREVAIL? That always pulled me through when I needed it most
Why it matters…
Okay, confession time: for YEARS, I had this annoying little voice in the back of my head wondering if maybe - just maybe - I should be reading “better” books. Like somewhere out there, an invisible committee was keeping score and handing out demerits every time I picked up a vampire romance instead of Some Very Important Literary Novel That Would Make Me Look Smart.
So what did I do? I’d hide my Kindle screen on airplanes like I was sneaking contraband! I’d laugh it off as my “guilty pleasure” (ugh, that phrase). I’d start every book recommendation with “I know it’s silly, but...”
And then one day it hit me: WHY am I apologizing for something that makes me this happy?!
Joy doesn’t require justification!
These books have given me hours - no, years - of escape, comfort, and pure entertainment. They’ve been with me through big celebrations, quiet struggles, and all those in-between moments when I desperately needed to believe that messy situations could transform into something beautiful.
And you know what? That MATTERS.
Because let’s be honest - the world is fucking insane right now. I don't need to make you a list (you're living it too, trust me, you know).
Aaaaand… we’re constantly being told to stay informed, be productive, show up as our best selves, be resilient, have it ALL figured out. We’re supposed to have opinions on everything. Care about everything. Somehow fix everything. Be everything to everyone.
Exhausting, right?!
Sometimes you just need to put ALL of that down and lose yourself in a story about people falling madly in love!
And before you roll your eyes thinking "that's just running away from reality”, let me stop you right there. This isn't escapism in the irresponsible sense (though honestly, even if it was, sometimes we ALL need that too, so whatever!).
This is survival mode. This is refueling your soul! This is remembering what it feels like to that believe good things can happen, even when every headline and news alert is screaming the opposite. They’re a reminder that pleasure matters. That imagination matters.
Romance novels where love is a rock-solid commitment and happy endings are 100% guaranteed give me space to forget all the world’s craziness for a while. And when I come back to the real world, I’m SO much stronger for having that break.
What I’ve learned…
Now look, I KNOW what people say about romance novels. All bodice-ripping and unrealistic expectations and eye-rolling cheese, right? And okay fine, there's definitely some bodice-ripping happening (zero complaints from me on that front! ). But can I tell you what romance novels actually taught me?
💖 Vulnerability is the ultimate strength move. Think about it…every amazing romance features characters who put their hearts on the line, admit what they really want, and show up authentically even when it's scary as hell. That's not weakness, that's straight-up COURAGE!
💖 Women are allowed to want ALL the things. Romance novels were the first place I saw female characters who refused to choose between their career and love. Who wanted adventure AND partnership. Independence AND deep connection. They could be ambitious AND romantic. Confident AND vulnerable. Perfectly imperfect and totally winning at life!
💖 Happy endings don’t just happen - you have to fight for them. Not stumble into them by accident or cross your fingers and hope. The best romance novels show you that real love takes WORK. Communication. Showing up for each other, especially when it’s hard. And all that effort? Totally, completely worth it!
Friends, these aren’t just fun little life lessons. These are MAJOR perspectives that changed how I see the world, all wrapped up in delicious entertainment!
What I’m doing now…
Back when I first got into this genre, I’d hunt down those $7.99 paperbacks. They came with me EVERYWHERE: stuffed in my carry-on for flights between duty stations, tucked in my purse for doctor's office waiting rooms, riding shotgun while Max finished soccer practice, keeping me company during lunch breaks and quiet afternoons at home. Basically any moment I could steal away from Adulting Responsibilities, I had my nose in a romance novel!
I can still feel the weight of those books in my hands, my fingers literally cramping from death-gripping the spine because I “just needed one more chapter”, which is not-so-secret code for “I’m finishing this ENTIRE BOOK right now and no one can stop me”.
These days, the Kindle app is my bestie, but guys, the ritual is EXACTLY the same: crack open that story, step right through the portal into another world, emerge hours later completely emotionally hydrated and ready to tackle life again!
And I’m done apologizing for it!
That little girl in the too-small bedroom with the door that wouldn’t open all the way figured out that stories could deliver things real life couldn't always guarantee: hope when things felt hopeless, escape when walls closed in, endless possibility when her world felt impossibly small.
Well, guess what? I still need that. Maybe now more than ever!
So here's what I'm doing this January - reading ALL the romance novels without a single shred of guilt or apology! Give me the sweeping contemporary love stories! The historical romances with dukes in tailcoats and ballgowns swishing across marble floors! And OH YES, those delicious paranormal ones with immortal beings who'd literally burn the entire world to ashes for their one true mate! 🔥
And if anyone side-eyes my reading choices and asks what I’m reading? I’ll look them straight in the eyeball and tell them it’s serious literature about love, choice, vulnerability, and the absolutely revolutionary act of believing in happy endings.
Because that’s EXACTLY what it is! 💖
Let's Get You Hooked!
Okay, so I just spent 1,485 words gushing about why romance novels are literally life-changing, and now you’re probably thinking “Great Sandra, but WHERE DO I START?!”
Don’t worry, I’ve got you! Here are some of my all-time favorite reads spanning different sub-genres, so you can find YOUR perfect match!
Quick note: I may earn commissions from sales via the links below, at no extra cost to you. The links below go to Amazon; however, if you prefer to shop on Bookshop.org click here. Heads up that not all titles are available on Bookshop.org.
If you want the classics that started it ALL: Elizabeth Lowell, Catherine Hart, Virginia Brown - These were my Zebra book era favorites, the ones that started my whole romance novel obsession! If you can hunt them down (used bookstores are your BEST friend here), they're the foundation of everything I love about romance. Pure nostalgic gold!
If you want friends-to-lovers that'll make your heart ACHE (in the best way): Baking Me Crazy by Karla Sorensen - Best friends who are absolutely PERFECT for each other, but she has NO CLUE?! This one is sweet, swoony, and will have you screaming "JUST KISS ALREADY!"
If you want epic fantasy romance with soul-deep connections: Tairen Soul series by C.L. Wilson - Fair warning: this series will absolutely WRECK you in the best possible way! The world-building is mind-blowing, and the love story will make you a true believer in soulmates. Prepare to feel ALL the feelings!
If you want contemporary romance that makes you laugh out loud: The Agitators series by Meghan Quinn - Posey’s book, So This Is War, is hands down THE funniest romance I've ever read, but you gotta start with Book 1 because his is Book 5! These books are pure joy + heat + hilarity. You WILL laugh until you cry, I guarantee it!
If you’re secretly (or not-so-secretly) dreaming of a hot billionaire: Billionaire romances by Annika Martin - These are smart, funny, and completely swoon-worthy! Because honestly, who DOESN'T want a billionaire who's actually kind, strong, AND ridiculously hot?! Start with The Billionaire’s Wake-up-call Girl and thank me later!
If you want gorgeously written fantasy with South Asian inspiration: The Gilded Wolves or The Star-Touched Queen by Roshani Chokshi - Her prose is SO stunning you'll want to underline every other sentence! Seriously, the writing alone is worth the read, and then you get an amazing story on top of it!
If you want rom-com vibes that’ll make you smile: Love You, Love You Not by Jo Watson - Funny, sweet, and absolutely delightful! Perfect for when you need something light and happy that’ll put a smile on your face.
If you want addictive romantasy you can binge: A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas - Yes, like the rest of the entire world, Book 2 (A Court of Mist and Fury) is my favorite! But you gotta start with Book 1 - trust me on this, the payoff is INCREDIBLE! (Also: Throne of Glass and Crescent City are both amazing if you want more SJM)
If you want storytelling that absolutely hooks you: Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor - The way this woman weaves a story is actual MAGIC! You will not be able to put this down. Don't even try to fight it!
If you want an OG romance that will make you cry (in the best way): A Knight in Shining Armor by Jude Deveraux - This was one of the very first romance novels that made me ugly cry! Time travel, heartbreak, and a love story I've literally never forgotten. Have tissues ready!
If you want SPICY contemporary romance that turns up the heat: Give Me More by Sara Cate - This throuple romance is absolutely SCORCHING! 🔥 If you're ready for serious steam and a story that'll have you fanning yourself, Sara Cate delivers! Fair warning: keep a glass of ice water nearby!
Bonus: If you want a romance writer right here on Substack: Cali Mann - She's here on Substack AND she gives away free books all the time! How amazing is that?! Definitely worth a follow!
Start with whichever one calls to you - there’s literally NO wrong choice here! Just different flavors of guaranteed happy endings! 💖
1. The Teacher Who Changed My Life 💌
2. 🖤 7 Paranormal Romance Worlds To Binge Right Now
3. 🌟 How to Start Creating a Vision for Your Dream Life In 30 Minutes or Less
Loving this?
Send this to your book-loving friend who needs permission to read "trash." Forward it to your sister who hides her Kindle screen. Share it in your group chat with the caption "THIS IS US." Let's make 2026 the year we stop apologizing for what brings us joy! 💖
LET'S DISCUSS 💬: What was the first romance novel you fell in love with?
What a fun read, Sandra! I loved learning about your childhood home and the magic of books to transport you from a tiny, shared bedroom. And oh my gosh! Sweet Valley High! Those were probably the very first romance books I read.