💝 7 Ways To Love Yourself As Much As You Love Your Partner
+ February's Popstar Kit: A shameless guide to making yourself your own favorite person.
Hello, fabulous!
Alright, friends, let’s gather ‘round for some real talk. You know how you’ve been with your partner for a gazillion years, and you’d do anything for them? Like, you’d grab them a cold beer without being asked, laugh at ALL of their jokes (even the cringe ones), or nod along as they explain their latest obsession while secretly having no idea what the hell they’re talking about? Yeah, we love our partners—but let’s not forget that you deserve just as much love and devotion.
Inspired by a reader question, I’ve whipped up seven totally unscientific, yet borderline genius tips that always work for me. In the examples below, I’ll be using my husband’s pronouns (he/him) but these tips are like stretchy yoga pants—they fit anyone, no matter who your partner is or what pronouns they use. Love is love, and honestly, it’s about time you put some of that same energy back into loving the absolute masterpiece that is YOU. Let’s do this!
P.S. Sometimes, your email provider likes to play hide and seek with my newsletters by cutting them off. To catch all the juicy bits, read it in the browser or in the app! 🌟
😍 Tip 1: Speak to Yourself the Way You Speak to Him
Think about how you talk to your person when he's feeling down. You remind him he's awesome, capable, and totally smart — because you know that the way you speak to him shapes the way he sees himself.
So let’s be honest here… you would NEVER let anyone talk to your person the way you sometimes talk to you. The negative mirror moments, the "I'm so bad at this," the 2am replays of every mistake you've ever made EVER. You'd never let anyone say that stuff to him. So why is it okay when it's you talking to you?
Let’s try turning that loving energy toward yourself. Instead of looking in the mirror and thinking, “Ugh, my jeans are tight,” OR telling yourself “I can’t do this”, try saying “I look good AND I've got this!"
Treat yourself with the same kindness and encouragement you give him on those days when he’s convinced he can’t fix the leaky faucet without watching 17 YouTube tutorials. Be your own biggest cheerleader—pom-poms optional but highly encouraged.
When Speed is REALLY not being smart, I lovingly (and jokingly) tell him "You're so pretty" while petting him on the shoulder. The cheeky compliment makes him laugh and lightens the mood. Win-win!
Listen to this: How to talk to the worst parts of yourself
😍 Tip 2: Spoil Yourself Like You Spoil Him
You know how you’ll grab his favorite snack or surprise him with tickets to a band you he loves? For example, I always make sure to grab White Cheddar Cheezits for my #besthusbandever and once I surprised him with VIP tickets to MotoGP (he still talks about it to this day). I love loving on him!
Here’s what’s wild though — you’ll bend over backwards to spoil the people you love and then turn around and talk yourself out of the extra guac. You’ve somehow convinced yourself that splurging on everyone else is generous but splurging on yourself is selfish. And that’s a lie you need to stop telling yourself, like, yesterday.
When’s the last time you spoiled yourself? Treat yourself like the VIP you are! Enjoy that 90 minute massage, order the limited edition ACOTAR series without guilt, and book yourself a girl’s weekend getaway to Paris. Stop saving the good stuff for special occasions or when you “deserve” it. Newsflash: you deserve it right now.
🎤 Popstars & Headliners — this February’s Popstar Kit was made for exactly this moment. Your Self Love Checklist is waiting for you here. Think of it as your official permission slip to treat yourself tonight. You’re welcome. 👑
😍 Tip 3: Love Yourself Boldly — No Apologies Required
You know what loving yourself boldly actually looks like in real life? It’s not just bubble baths and face masks, though we are absolutely not canceling those EVER.
It’s taking up space unapologetically, living in alignment with your values even when it’s inconvenient for everyone else, and doing the thing you’ve been talking yourself out of because you were worried about what someone might think.
Take notes from Joanne in “Nobody Wants This”. She walks into a room in a bold fur coat and says exactly what’s on her mind, with a smile and no apologies. I LOVE HER. That’s the energy we’re going for.
And listen, I get it — it's way easier said than done. I had to do it a few times recently and it totally took me out of my comfort zone. A couple of weeks ago, I had to nicely but FIRMLY insist that our termite inspector give us a free treatment outside their warranty period because they missed the damage when we bought our house. Like, excuse me sir, you did not do your job and now my house needs repair, so we're going to need you to fix that, thank you very much.
My first instinct was to let it go. To not make it weird and just deal with it.
But I didn’t. And it worked out! More importantly, I walked away feeling at peace with myself instead of feeling angry or resentful, replaying the conversation over and over again in my head, wishing I could go back and say something different.
Loving yourself boldly is showing up for yourself with the same energy you give to others. You don’t have to wait for the perfect moment to access it. You just have to decide that you’re done making yourself easy to overlook.
Babe, YOU are the leading lady AND the love interest. Own it.
Favorite “main character rom-com vibe”: Nobody Wants This
😍 Tip 4: Forgive Yourself Like You Forgive His Dumb Mistakes
Remember that time he accidentally shrunk your favorite sweater because he thought ALL laundry could be washed on high heat? Sir. WHAT. And yet — a little eye roll, a little dramatic retelling to your girls, and you moved on. Forgiven. Done. We don’t even talk about it anymore. (We talk about it all the time.)
But when YOU mess up? Omg. Court is in session. You are the defendant, the prosecutor, AND the judge — and you are not handing out any suspended sentences!
Somewhere along the way you convinced yourself that being hard on yourself was the same thing as having high standards. Like if you just felt bad enough for long enough, you’d magically do better next time. Guess what? You don’t. You just feel worse AND you’re exhausted.
What if you applied the same level of grace you give him…to you? Messed up your diet plan? That’s okay! Accidentally started a Poshmark shop? No biggie! Life’s too short to beat yourself up over every little mistake.
Love yourself enough to cut yourself some slack, laugh it off, and move on. You’re human, not a robot, and last I checked, no one’s handing out medals for perfection. So embrace the messiness of life and love yourself through it all.
😍 Tip 5: Embrace Your Inner Diva and Demand More
Loving yourself means knowing you’re worth the effort, the time, and the attention. Embrace your inner diva, set your standards high, and demand more from yourself and others. It’s not about being difficult—it’s about knowing your worth and making sure everyone else knows it too.
Okay, let me brag on Speed for a second because he’s absolutely earned it. This man has every single important date written down. Birthdays, anniversaries, milestones — and he’s ALWAYS the first one blowing up the group chat when someone’s big day is coming up. He brings that same energy into our marriage and honestly it makes me feel like the main character every single time. I love that man!
And before you say “wow you got lucky” — yes, I did, BUT ALSO. That’s just what it looks like when someone decides you’re worth the effort. That’s not a unicorn. That’s the standard. But it’s also what I demand.
Are you accepting less than that and calling it fine? You give so much — you plan the trips, remember the dates, buy the thoughtful gifts, hype them up like they just won a Grammy — and then turn around and act grateful for the bare minimum in return. You tell yourself you’re being “low maintenance” when really you’re just scared to ask for what you actually deserve.
Your inner diva is TIRED, babe. She’s been watching you settle and she has notes.
You deserve the same love you give — consistent, thoughtful, and completely on purpose. Embrace your inner diva, set that standard, and hold the line. Because the right people will absolutely rise to meet it.
😍 Tip 6: Celebrate Yourself Out Loud — No Special Occasion Required
You celebrate everything for him. Work win? You’re popping champagne. He finally fixed that loud washing machine? You’re acting like he built a house from scratch. And honestly, that’s beautiful — hype your person!
But when's the last time you hyped YOU like that? Not just on your birthday or after hitting some big milestone — but on a random Tuesday just because you showed up, held it together, and kept being the absolute masterpiece that you are?
We’ve been conditioned to wait for “enough.” Like our wins have to reach a certain size before they count. until our wins are "big enough" to deserve a celebration. Like there's some invisible panel of judges with clipboards somewhere deciding if your accomplishment qualifies.
So we downplay, we deflect, we say "oh it was nothing really" while internally we KNOW we just did something hard. And then we wonder why we feel chronically under-appreciated.
Um, it’s because you keep throwing your own confetti in the trash.
Your wins count. All of them. Even the tiny ones nobody else sees.
Finally sent that email you'd been avoiding since basically the beginning of time? POP. Finished a great book? CHAMPAGNE. Made it through a hard week without completely losing your mind? THAT deserves a full standing ovation, a toast, and a fancy drink with an umbrella in it.
You don’t need a special occasion to celebrate yourself. You ARE the special occasion.
😍 Tip 7: Remember You’re a Total Catch (Yes, Even in Sweats)
You know how you look at your boo and think, “How did I get so lucky?” (On the days when he’s not driving you completely crazy, of course.) Well can I let you in on a little secret?
He got lucky too.
Here’s how I know I’m a catch — and I say this with zero arrogance and all the self-awareness in the world. I genuinely like who I am. I like spending time with myself. I’m proud of my choices, my journey, and the woman I’ve become. And honestly? An amazing person like Speed could only love an amazing person back. That’s just how it works.
The same is true for you.
You are not lucky to be loved. You are someone worth loving. There’s a massive difference and I need you to feel that one in your bones.
You are smart, funny, beautiful, and basically a one-woman show of fabulousness. If you can love him on his absolute worst day — grumpy, lost, and too stubborn to ask for directions — then you can certainly love yourself on yours too.
Put your crown back on babe. You earned every single jewel in it.
You’re Worth the Love, Babe
Loving yourself as much as you love your ride or die isn’t just a goal—it’s a necessity. You deserve the same kind of love, care, and devotion you give to him every day. So spoil yourself, forgive yourself, and remember that self-love isn’t just a buzzword, it’s a lifestyle.
If you can love him through his questionable fashion choices and obsession with that one hobby you’ll never understand, then you can absolutely love yourself with that same energy.
So go ahead—give yourself the kind of love you’d give to your other half on his birthday (with all the bells and whistles), and remember: you’re worth it, queen. Now, treat yourself to something fabulous.
When was the last time you truly celebrated yourself? Drop it in the comments, I want to hear ALL about it! 👇
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Thank you for reminding your friends that they are worthy of the good things in life. It was nice to flashback to Paris, too.
Next episode… how to stop doom scrolling! (Please and thank you)
You are so inspiring, Sandra! Thanks for all these wonderful self-love tips! It’s a great reminder to treat ourselves with the same kindness as we show our partners/friends etc.